Dumbledore Doesn't Know
by Cookiepaw
Summary: It's Valentine's day at Hogwarts, and Dumbledore organises a competition for twolined love poems. Pairings: RLSB and JPLE. Warnings: Slash. Meant to be funny, don't know if it is :P


**Dumbledore doesn't know**

"Hey, you two, look at this," James called Sirius and Remus over from their… uh… snogging by the fire. He was walking down the stairs from the dormitory, a piece of parchment in his hand.

"James! If you don't mind, we're a bit busy," complained Sirius before Remus pulled his mouth in again.

"Yeah, yeah, can't you two lovebirds stop that for one minute?"

"No!" Remus shouted, and went back to his kissing.

"You'll like it," said James.

"Urgh, all right, Jim," Sirius groaned, sitting up. "If it'll make you happy. What is it?"

"_Hogwarts is hosting a competition in celebration of Valentine's Day next weekend. Produce a rhyming couplet for your loved one and the best will be read out on the 14__th__, the overall top three receiving prizes. So get your entries in now!_" James read out from the parchment.

"Could be interesting," Remus remarked. "Going to try, Paddy?"

"Yeah, I think I will, actually," Sirius answered. "Hey James, bet you mine will be read out."

"You're on, Sirius," challenged James. "Five sickles. And Remus, I'll bet another five sickles mine will be chosen over yours."

"Now, now," said Remus. "If I bet that amount, it would be inappropriate use of my privileges as Gryffindor prefect."

"Ten sickles?"

"Done."

Sirius chuckled. "Let's get writing then."

---

"What rhymes with Lily?" asked James, leaning over a small desk in the common room, while Remus was curled in an armchair poring over a piece of parchment.

"Are you going to make it that obvious who it's about?" Remus sighed.

"What are you doing, then?"

Remus tapped his nose, and said nothing else, so James rolled his eyes and continued his poem.

"Silly…chilly…frilly…"

Remus scratched his chin with his quill. "Dark…bark…no."

He scribbled out one of the words on his piece of parchment and wrote something else. Soon, the two of them were joined by Sirius and Peter, who were grinning mischievously.

"Oh dear," said Remus, looking up. "What have you done? You haven't done that thing with Lily's quill and Snape's rear end, again, have you?"

"Nope," Sirius replied. "We're nearly completely innocent."

"Nearly," mumbled Remus to himself, turning back to his work.

"So, what have you done?" James questioned.

"I've been helping Peter write a poem, and, as a reward, he's managed to steal a certain collection of books to help me with my couplet," Sirius explained.

"Which books?" snapped Remus, fire blazing in his amber eyes. "If they're mine, you'll have hell to pay…"

"Don't worry, Remey; they're not yours."

Remus relaxed.

"They're your dad's. You brought them to Hogwarts last term."

The lycanthrope looked about to burst, but he brushed it away. "Never mind. It's for a good cause."

"You would never let _me_ off!" James protested. "How come you let Sirius off?"

"I haven't been going out with _you_ for two years, James," answered Remus.

James muttered to himself and Remus was sure he heard the words 'biased' and 'gay' in there somewhere.

"So, which set of books have you managed to pinch from me?"

"Shakespeare, the complete works, my friend," Sirius responded, sounding proud of himself.

"Well, you show good use of common sense, I'll give you that," Remus sighed.

---

Almost a week later, the students of Hogwarts were filing excitedly into a splendidly decorated Great Hall, covered in chocolates, roses and confetti. Remus and Sirius sat down at the table, holding hands and gazing at each other with intense expressions of passion.

James mimed gagging.

"Welcome to Valentine's Day 1976, students," called Dumbledore over the chattering crowd. "As I'm sure you are aware, Hogwarts hosted a competition for the best Valentine's couplet, and we have some winners!"

There was a cheer from the crowd, but somewhere amongst their midst, Peter's voice yelled, "CRAP! I FORGOT TO SUBMIT MINE!"

James laughed, and then turned to see whether his friends were laughing too. Unfortunately, he found he was faced with Remus and Sirius, their tongues shoved down each others throats. Or at least that's what it looked like.

"Ugh!" he groaned.

"Oh, leave them alone, Potter," Lily said, telling him off.

"Calm down, everyone," Dumbledore shouted. "Now, for the results. At number three, is Lily Evans's couplet:

_I push aside all those who intrude_

_The only one I need is you_."

The crowd lapsed into applause and Lily turned almost as red as her hair. He friends hugged her and patted her on the back.

"Second prize goes to Geoff Lloyd:

_Love is undying and will never end_

_And with that, to you, my love I send."_

The students cheered again, though whoever Geoff Lloyd was, he wasn't very well known; only his fellow Hufflepuffs were yelling loudly.

"Finally, in first place, is this… erm… _imaginative_ poem that I greatly enjoyed:

_A rose by any other name would smell as sweet_

_Screw Shakespeare's rose, you're the one I really need."_

"My God, that's mine!" Sirius gasped.

"Come and collect your prizes, you three," said Dumbledore. "If you like, you can take your lovers with you."

His eyes glinted as he added, "Or maybe you haven't confessed your love to the subject of that poem…"

Lloyd and an attractive blonde leapt to their feet at once and scrambled up to the front of the hall, while Sirius and Remus tried to look more romantic, Sirius gently tugging his lover up by his arm, and the two of them holding hands as they walked to the stage. However, Lily didn't move. Not immediately, anyway. When every head had turned to stare at her, she sighed, got to her feet, and grabbed James's hand. James looked startled, actually, he looked as if his mind was somewhere else as he obediently followed Lily to where Dumbledore was standing.

"Here you go, Lily," Dumbledore said as he presented her with a box of chocolates for her and James to share. He gave the same award to Lloyd and his girlfriend.

"And… for our winners," Dumbledore announced, "a very special prize."

He brought out a magical camera, and instantly the two Marauders knew what to do. They turned to each other, stared into the other's eyes for a few seconds, before their mouths connected in a perfect kiss (well, as perfect as a teenage kiss can be, anyway).

---

The next day, Remus and Sirius were presented with a huge gold picture frame of them snogging in the Great Hall, with the lines of the couplet glowing at the top and bottom of the frame.

"Wow," whispered Remus in awe when he saw it.

"Awesome…" Sirius breathed in the same way.

"Hey look, you two," said James, "McGonagall's in the background looking disapproving."

"Adds a sense of place, I suppose," Sirius said. "Snogging in the Great Hall, in front of everyone. Nowhere romantic, nowhere stunning, just good old Hogwarts."

"I love you," Remus murmured suddenly.

"You know what, Remus? I love you too," Sirius said, prodding Remus's nose before leaning in to kiss his werewolf.

James walked away.

So he could do the same to Lily.

"What was your entry, Remus?" Sirius asked, when they pulled apart.

"Why d'you ask?" Remus wondered.

"Just curious," said Sirius.

"It wasn't as good as I'd hoped, but it'll do: _Close your eyes and count in twos, and when you reach five, I'll stop loving you."_

"What?!" Sirius jumped.

"_What?_"

"That was way better than Lloyd's! Why didn't you win?" Sirius spat.

Remus giggled, and kissed him again. "Well, Dumbledore couldn't go giving us both presents, could he?"

"You're saying he knew we were together before that?"

"This is Dumbledore you're talking about," Remus explained. "Dumbledore knows all."

"Do you think he knows what you're like in bed?"

"Sirius!"

"What?"

"I don't think we should let Dumbledore know about that."

"You're right, Moony. It'll be our little secret."

"Mmhmm."

"Want to remind yourself what that secret is?"

"Yeah…" Remus moaned, hardly concentrating. Before they could retreat to the dormitory, there was a voice from behind.

"I don't care if Dumbledore doesn't know." It was James. "_I _don't want to know!"

"JAMES!"

"By the way, you owe me ten sickles, Remus," James reminded him. But they'd already vanished, and James was quite happy to leave it that way.


End file.
